Mick Fanning crowned World Champion 2013, Kelly Slater Wins Billabong Pipe Masters and J.J Florence wins Triple Crown of Surfing
Hawaii surfer John John Florence won the Triple Crown of Surfing with a runner-up finish at the Billabong Pipe Masters in Memory of Andy Irons in what was described as “epic’ conditions at the Banzai Pipeline Saturday.
As you know… I am an avid surfer and even if you are not one, you have to read this eBay UK listing for a slightly worn wetsuit. The seller, Dan Morgan, manages to work in “an old man’s testicle,” his own hygiene habits, and a “bear using a urinal.” The key to good advertising copy is to tell a story. He’s doesn’t just describe the “used XCEL 3-2mm Infiniti Drylock Summer Wetsuit” for sale, he wraps a narrative around the wetsuit.
And it’s hilarious. I’ve reposted the description from the eBay listing below for posterity. Remember, the key takeaway here is that he has “NEVER urinated in this suit.”
The listing is already going viral. Seeing a marketing opportunity, XCEL Wetsuits is donating a second, brand new wetsuit to the winner, and DryRap is getting in on the action too by throwing in their changing towel, and Carve Magazine is giving a one year free subscription so to speak. The bidding is up to 1700 Pounds with 95 bidders, even though Morgan bought the original for only 300 Pounds. He will donate 90 percent of the proceeds to the Red Cross for Japan relief.
The listing is brilliant, as they say in Britain. Unfortunately, eBay doesn’t think so. Morgan says he’s been contacted about some of the language and “unprofessionalism” of the listing (they don’t like the picture of the bear, apparently. Maybe it’s got something to do with false advertising). As a result, eBay is threatening to remove the listing. But it’s not offensive. It’s just good marketing. And almost all the money is going to charity, so eBay would look pretty callous if it does remove it.
HOWEVER you will like this, If it was not being worn, it was hung on a hangar or rolled to prevent creasing AND I rinsed it in fresh water after EVERY session so it’s in VERY good condition as I look after my gear, I always do, similarly I take care of my body and shower at least once a day and always moisturise. Yes you’re probably getting a feel for the kind of man I am. You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn’t look after and it looks like an Elephant’s arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man’s testicle.
You’re probably thinking “People p*ss in wetsuits, I’m not sure about a second hand wetsuit”, but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you’re sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don’t like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man.
I’ve included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits.
It’s a size medium or “m”, it was the top of the range suit when I bought it, I think I paid around £300 for it, still a great warm suit that will make you surf at least 200% better. It won’t really but it will keep you warm and it’s flexible so you’ll be able to throw your arms around like Beyonce whilst you’re bouncing along a wave. People will look at you and say “f*ckin hell check that dude out, he knows what he’s doing wearing one of those Xcel suits and he’s got some fresh dance moves”. They probably won’t say this.
Now as it’s been worn, there’s some signs of wear around the neck, which I’ve taken pictures of, so you don’t say “oi you c*nt, there’s area of wear around the neck I’m giving you bad feedback”. The pictures make it look worse than it is (because they’re close-ups), and I’ve taken the pictures with the suit turned inside out, when it’s the right way round you don’t see the wear and it has no effect on the performance of the suit. That was a bit boring wasn’t it, but it had to be done so you can’t take me to eBay court for not being honest with you.
Why am I selling it? Well I’ve just bought a new one, as I’m a flash tw*t like that, I tend to get a new suit every season, I just like the feel of fresh neoprene on my soft skin, and well to be honest I could do with some cash to pay for prostitutes. No, that was a joke, now you’re going to think the suit is riddled with disease but it’s not as I was joking I do NOT engage with ladies of the night.
I’ll post it out the next working day following cleared payment, or if you’re around the Truro area you can come and collect it thus avoiding postage charges. Having said that, if you’re a maniac, maybe you should just let me post it to you as I don’t want to be murdered to death, especially as the summer is just beginning! WOO HOO.
Any questions just ask, I’ll answer them very quickly as I’m sat at a computer all f*cking day, unless there’s waves.
Thanks for looking and reading all of that ridiculous text, I hope you have a wonderful day.
Quiksilver releases “Moments”, a 24 minute film starring champion Kelly Slater, Dane Reynolds, Jeremy Flores, Craig Anderson, Clay Marzo and the rest of the global Quiksilver surf team and was filmed in Indonesia, Hawaii, Tahiti, Mexico, Australia, France and Puerto Rico. Moments was shot in full HD using Phantom Gold, Cineflex, Red One and 16mm film cameras and features unique perspectives such as a Phantom helicopter angle at Grajagan in Indonesia, that has never been seen before in a surf film. Moments also uses an artistic approach to explore the individuality and uniqueness of each surfer’s style. Hang Loose!
BTW, Congrats Kelly Slater for winning the Quik Pro Gold Coast 2011!
Coming up in two days is the first edition of ‘Ombak Bali’ International surf film festival celebrating 3 days and 14 epic surf films. On Thursday November 27 the festival takes off with a special opening night screening of ‘Sliding Liberia’, this prize winning surf film/ social documentary tells the story of four young surfers travelling through the war torn west African country in search for more than perfect waves.
Besides rediscovering a world-class point break, the surfers discover things more important. Soul. Love. Life. Fiery surf flick ‘Shades of Indonesia’ by Bali based director Pete Matthews will be having it’s world premiere Friday November 28 at 21.15. Friday 28 and Saturday 29 November many more films will be having their Asian or South East Asian premiere; Mundaka, Pororoca, Thread, Three Foot Charlie, Sea Fever and more.
All films will be screened in the Discovery Kartika Plaza Hotel in Kuta which has one of the best beachfront locations in town. So it’s hot good surf films from all over the globe right on the beach. Check the site for all films!! Saturday 29 November Ombak Bali will close off with dj Mistral spinning some drum ‘n bass at ‘Home’ in Oberoi street, Seminyak Kuta – BALI
If the traditional way of warming up while wearing a wetsuit doesn’t appeal to you then you’ll definitely like the new H-Bomb wetsuits from Rip Curl. They feature a non-metallic carbon-fiber heating element built into the back of the suit that’s coupled with a high-stretch titanium lining that reflects the heat from the elements onto your body. The heating element is powered by 2 lithium ion batteries that weight about 120 grams and are carried in the lower back. The batteries take about 3 hours to recharge and provide about 1-1/2 to 2-1/2 hours of heating depending on the intensity level you use.
All of the electronics were co-developed with a waterproof camera housing manufacturer to ensure they could handle any conditions, and in the worst case scenario the batteries aren’t strong enough to deliver a charge that would present any danger to a healthy person. The suit also features a waterproof power and settings switch on the outside which allows the wearer to adjust the intensity of the heating element whenever they want.
Just in time for winter Danny!
Oakley and Surfline announced their free app: Surf Report.
There’s only one other surf-forecasting app, GreenRoom Surf Forecasts, available today and it costs $2.99. It’s limited to spots in California, but you can get a seven-day forecast whereas Surf Report only provides up to three days. However, Oakley’s app is free and you can’t beat that.
With Surfline powering the Oakley app, surfers now have access to spots all over the world with vital stats like air temp, water temp, tide charts, swell breakdown, wind, sunrise/sunset and a brief synopsis for each spot. Projected conditions and weather are provided for the following three days as well. Using the GPS coordinates of your iPhone you can see what’s going on at a handful of spots near you that are within a certain distance that you set.
Driving directions are also included via map links in case you’re going somewhere new. All of the beaches are well known, so the few hidden spots that are left in the world won’t be revealed, but this will surely bring on another wave of iPhone toting kooks to the already crowded lineups.
A community tab launches news surrounding Oakley team riders, profiles, photos and videos for those interested.
PopSci has a great post about the physics of surfing, check it out and try to imagine the rush when catching those big waves…
While the traditional 48-man format will still be available, events can elect to implement an altered 48-man format consisting of the following: two opening elimination man-on-man rounds. Round 1 will consist of 32 surfers, those rated 17 – 27 on the ASP World Tour, three Tour/Injury wildcards, the Top 15–rated surfers on the ASP WQS and three event wildcards.
The seeding formula will remain the same as the traditional format, with the No. 17 seed up against the No. 32 seed in Heat 8, the No. 18 seed against the No. 31 seed in Heat 9, etc. After Round 1, all remaining competitors will be reseeded for Round 2.
The Top 16 on the ASP World Tour are seeded directly in Round 2 where they will meet the 16 victors from Round 1 in the re-seeded draw. The Top 10 from the previous year’s Dream Tour will be guaranteed a Round 2 seed all year long, while the next 6 seeds have to maintain their seeded position and can be replaced by better performing back 32 surfers after the third ASP World Tour event of the year.
This means that the Top 16 seeds in 2009 will remain unchanged until after the Billabong Pro Teahupoo. After Tahiti, only the Top 10 from the previous year will hold their spots (which is probably a good incentive to do Brazil and Pipeline this season), while the next 6 could be replaced if guys from the back 32 secure more seeding points. Seeding points going into Snapper will remain in effect.
The new format has already been adopted by the Billabong Pro Teahupoo, the Billabong Pro Jeffreys Bay, the Billabong Pro Mundaka and the Billabong Pipeline Masters. The Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast, the opening event of the 2009 ASP World Tour, has opted to run with the traditional format, and Rip Curl are undecided which format they will implement at their Bells Beach and Search events.
We recently sat down with Wayne “Rabbit” Bartholomew (AUS), 53, former ASP World Champion and current President of ASP International, Mick Fanning (AUS), 27, 2007 ASP World Champion, and C.J. Hobgood (USA), 29, 2001 ASP World Champion, to discuss the new format:
1 – First off, what is (are) the reason(s) for the option to run an altered format next year?
Wayne Bartholomew: As part of the monitoring process it was clear that we needed to develop a menu of formats to fit the needs of the tour. The current format requires four running days. This doesn’t sound overbearing in a 12-day window, but we still require two swell cycles to complete the event in quality waves and this proved a bridge too far. To fit into a three-day swell cycle we had to either reduce the field from 48 to 36 or peel it from a different angle.
Mick Fanning: I think some people just think that we waste a day or so when we run the first round with three-man heats and sometimes we can’t finish the event with good waves. I think it will make it all a lot more exciting because it is straight cut throat from the first heat of competition.
C.J. Hobgood: I think getting the best waves in the allotted waiting period is the primary reason for offering the alternative format.
2 – Who came up with the format? When and who voted on its implementation?
Wayne Bartholomew: The ASP Technical Committee waded through a bunch of variations and opted to recommend to the Board a three-day format that still maintains a field of 48. As Chairman of the Technical Committee, I presented these findings and recommendations to the Mid-Year Board meeting in Huntington Beach this past July and we further tweaked it in the ensuing months.
3 – We can see that not all events will be running the new altered format – what is the reason that it was not mandatory for all events to implement?
Wayne Bartholomew: Events in 2009 will have the choice of the current format or implementing the new one. Quiksilver have already confirmed they will run with the current format, based on the fact that Snapper is a reasonably consistent wave and it can accommodate a combined Men’s and Women’s event in the window. Rip Curl is undecided, but are leaning towards the new format.
The Tech Comm is now working on how far out from the start of a waiting period an event has to notify ASP of their preferred option. Billabong have already given notice that Teahupoo, J-Bay, Mundaka and Pipe will run with the new format and events like Boost and Brazil are getting their heads around it. In 2009, it is optional with the view to either making it mandatory from 2010 or running with a format menu.
4 – What are the positives for the surfers, the events and the viewers to run the new format?
Wayne Bartholomew: The surfers get man-on-man, no more three-man heats. There are built in seeding incentives based on performance over the season and there is a much better opportunity to pick the eyes out of the surf on offer. The events get to maximize swell cycles and build the event to a climactic conclusion in excellent surf. The chances of getting skunked are dramatically diminished and the opportunity to have Finals in great surf increases. The viewers get knockout competition. There are no meaningless rounds, it is on the line in every heat and they’ll see a lot less action in low quality waves.
Mick Fanning: The positives are definitely the shorter period for the event. Most swells around the world only last three days, but our events take four to complete. Cutting out a round cuts that day out, keeps the performance level at high level because every heat counts, makes the Top 16 and Top 10 get an actual incentive for ranking that high instead of just the red singlet.
C.J. Hobgood: I think the positives are better waves for surfers, less days needed to run for the events, better waves and surfing for viewers.
5 – What are the negatives (if any) for surfers, the events and the viewers to run the new format?
Wayne Bartholomew: The only negative for the surfer is if one loses in the first round. You are out and it’s a long way to go to be bundled out. I surfed my entire career without a safety net but guys get used to the second chance. If the swell absolutely pumps then the event might want the extra day for the beach crowd, the media and the webcast.
So loss of content could be seen as a negative, but the trade-off will be an excellent event held in epic waves. Also, that may be why we eventually perpetuate the optional format menu. For the viewer they can’t get enough, so the shorter event might be a negative, but again, the action will be an awesome spectacle.
Mick Fanning: I think the Back 32 will be extremely close when it comes to being on the cusp of qualifying, but everyone has to start at the bottom. The audience won’t get to see your favorite surfers hit the water as many times, but it will be crucial each time they do.
6 – We see the Top 16 are seeded directly into Round 2. What happens to the rest?
Wayne Bartholomew: The back 32, made up of the back 11 of the Top 27, the Top 15 from the WQS, the 3 tour/injury wildcards and 3 Event wilds, go man-on-man in Round 1. So nobody misses out, but the re-introduction of the Top 16 provides incentive to be at every event.
7 – Part of the reason for the new format is to work towards a one-world ranking. This is something that was mandated in the past, but changed to the two-tiered system. Why are we moving back towards it? What are the advantages? When will is possibly be implemented?
Wayne Bartholomew: We hope to implement a one-world ranking system in 2010. The dynamic is totally different to pre-1992. There will still be 1-6 Stars, still be 6-Star Primes, and they will count towards the Top 45, who will still contest the ASP World Tour. There will most likely be a fluid transition whereby the bottom performing Top 45 will be replaced by high performing ASP WQS surfers in the same season. This will be much more marketable, better for media and more defining for the industry when it comes to sponsorships.
Mick Fanning: I think in this day and age, we need a one-world ranking system. The way the format works at the moment, the general public can’t get their heads around it. I think it will help with how the ASP WQS is run also and make it easier for everyone to understand where they are. Also, if people get injured or have a bad year their ranking won’t drop dramatically and they won’t fall off tour. We have had a few of these cases over the years and hopefully that will cut that out.
C.J. Hobgood: I’ve always been a huge fan of the one-world ranking system. I never understood why guys like Danny Fuller, Bruno Santos, Manoa Drollet and Jamie O’Brien would make Finals and Semis against the best surfers in the world and not have a world ranking. Like in Chile when the local wildcard made a heat, the people in Chile should be able to look at their guy and see how he ranks on the one-world ranking system. Even if he is 400th, it’s still a ranking. Also, the one-world rating system is easier to understand – I’m so sick of trying to explain to someone that knows very little about surfing our two-tier system.
Renato Hickel (BRA), ASP World Tour Manager, noted also that, “some adjustments may take place in the next Technical Committee meeting. It’s possible that we will reduce the number from Top 10 to Top 8, or even reseed everyone after Tahiti, but we will have to wait until Hawaii to ultimately determine.”
The myth of surfing has done as much to advance the sport as to destroy it. From Gidget to Stussy, each generation of marketers has subsequently sold out the sport to masses yearning for the liquid myth and its resulting treasure chest of youth fantasy. But at its core, surfers understand that the site-specificity of surfing is what needs to be protected—not the resulting myths or fantasies.
While surf photographers focus their lens on the myths of wave riding, bikinis and eternal youth, Moses Berkson covers the improvised secrecy of surfing’s territoriality—the engineering of paths that lead to places where surfers find their oblivion. Not only does he ignore the myth, he completely extracts it from such discourse, leaving only the context of his own experientiality.
A key formal construct inherent in Berkson’s images is his ability to evoke the most ephemeral moments of the environment’s perennially varying qualities of light, thus engaging the viewer to question his own notions of actuality and space as well as universal temporality. By rooting out the myth through the formalism of landscape, Berkson’s work both maintains the self-imposed marginalization of these locations and bypasses the detriment of modern “cultural” branding.
Berkson’s first solo U.S. exhibition, Coastal Access, is a document of the photographer’s ongoing relationship with his home state of California. Recognizing that regionalism is ultimately a socially constructed notion, Berkson incorporates intimations of localism and physiologically recluse spatialities of non-places vis-à-vis emerging contentions of authenticity, artificiality and conflation in his captured moments.
Without disclosing the locations of these elsewheres, he manifests historical apocrypha amidst the proliferating breeds of the feigning and the desiring.
Moses Berkson was born in Bolinas, California. After studying at San Francisco State University, he relocated to New York City where he worked as assistant to photographers Hiro and Craig McDean. In 2003 he exhibited works in Rome, Italy and continues to work around the world. Berkson currently lives in Los Angeles.
The Constant Gallery, an experimental space, focuses on the visual intersections of culture(s) throughout globalization.
The Constant Gallery presents
Coastal Access: Photographs by Moses Berkson
Exhibition Dates: November 1, 2008 through November 29, 2008
Opening Reception: November 1, 6:00 pm-8:00 pm
Location: The Constant Gallery, 2673 S. La Cienega Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90034